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NML Team building - post action report

Saffia... Mistress of speed


We are not. Except for John, who does go-kart racing competitively, and Remy, who is from Despatch and therefore one by heritage. However, we are quite competitive. More so than I thought. A lot more, and from the most unexpected people, no less! The expected "give no quarter" crowd was Paul (of course), Dave, John, myself (Charl) and Freddie. The unexpected crowd included the likes of Thando, Nikki, Mike, Njinu and Steven.

On the list of serious things that happened, Ashleigh banged up her knee quite badly by charging into a tire wall. Hold thumbs there is no serious damage.

Racer highlights


I think everybody will agree that the surprise of the night was Thando, who showed a fearless character bordering on scary, only without the border. This pocket rocket showed that being a high heeled, high cultured fashionista does not equate to meekness. Anthony learned that the hard way, literally, when he was unceremoniously shoved out of the way by a marauding Thando, and then received a glib wave as she passed him one handed in the hairpin. The wave was somewhere between an apology and flipping him the bird. Further on her list of crimes was her attempt at passing a still-standing Rogan by driving over him from behind. She adamantly maintains that she could've made it too if she had more speed. She was black-flagged for that inventive passing attempt, (although it might have been for the invective she offered too.) She also managed to get herself black-flagged, again, for ignoring the official flags telling her that John was behind her trying to lap her.


Mike "there was a team build email?" Mcree surprised everybody by, in a rather nonchalant way, being the second fastest person around the track. I don't think I saw him use the breaks once, or hit a tire wall, or get caught up in an accident. And when I say nonchalant, I mean in the way that a minibus taxi driver goes the wrong way up a one way road in Muizenberg hooting and shouting "5 minutes to Obseeeervetreeeey".


This mom of 3 is going to make me famous. She solidified a scientific principle I've been working on. I believe it could actually be stated as a natural law. Let's formulise it here:

Tallies' first law of correlated hooliganistic driving behaviour
There is a direct, non-inverse, correlation between driving a go-kart vehicle like a bat out of hell, and driving a non-go-kart vehicle like a boss.

The equation for this is:

2x = y,  
where x is ferocity on the go-kart track,  
and y is the ability of putting the fear of God into your passengers on a school run  

Thanks for the evidentiary data I needed for this Nikki. You make science work harder that than a 60cc go-kart!


What a great friend (and mistress of speed). Not only did she, without hope of success, try to perform Thando's "over the top" passing maneuver in solidarity and protest to the black flag Thando received, she also maimed herself in a show of kinsman-ship to Ashleigh, who'll be doing the jumping on one leg diet as an alternative to the banting diet for the next week or so. Saffia inspires us all with her selfless sacrifices!


John showed us that having a Stig helmet DOES make a difference. He smashed his nearest competitors by putting up two sub 18 second laps. Clearly, being the baby of the company with better reactions as a result helped him tremendously. Even though Paul looked at one stage like he was going to frustrate John's efforts of increasing his already fast lap times, he was made to look like he was searching for a parking spot on the street. Paul eventually did find that parking spot in the semi finals, when he neatly and very professionally fit in between some gaps in the tire wall. Ok, he may have made some of the gaps himself, but it was a good, firm effort! Back to John. I believe the officials finally became worried about everybody's safety when John was about to lap himself. Unbelievable I know, but the mere laws of nature does not hold back a spirit such as this. Fortunately for us all, there was just not enough time to rip apart the fabric of space-time in the final, and all ended well.


Despite, or rather, because of the drama, fear, laughter and insanity of the evening, it was a great success. Thanks for getting it all organised Ash. And thanks for everybody's participation. Well done to John who took the honours in the end.

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